As I sit alone this morning, I'm struggling with some hard truths.
I'm frustrated that I'd have to drive the Mazda again but I should be happy we even have the luxury of
owning a car.
I'm ridiculous for wanting to cry over this whole situation right now.
It isn't easy for me to listen to my husband's wishes without wanting to put up a fight so I can get my way.
I'm letting a car define me and my worth....
How did I get here? How do you go from not caring one second to being ridiculously materialistic the next?
In the middle of my funk I've been having the past couple of days God decided to whisper "I can still use this." As non-significant of a problem as this may be, He still wants to work on the matters of my heart through it. Go ahead and laugh that's fine.
I WANT God to use this opportunity to improve my heart and what it longs for. It's painful to lay down my pride and submit to my husband if worst comes to worst. Day after day I'm telling my faithful husband that I want to be a Godly, supportive wife that he's proud to wear on his arm. I'm trying my hardest to view this as an opportunity to become that woman instead of a loss.
I want to be so lost in God that the things that truly matter are what crush me instead. Sometimes I really don't like life... I hate that it isn't fair, I hate that we live in a culture that teaches us to want more of what we don't need, I hate not feeling "cool" because of stupid little things, and I hate that it feels like high school all over again at times. It's becoming very apparent to me that I get sidetracked easily. Time to steer back into my path..yet again.
"Holiness, holiness is what I long for
Holiness is what I need
Holiness, holiness is what You want from me
Faithfulness, faithfulness is what I long for
Faithfulness is what I need
Faithfulness, faithfulness is what You want from me
(So) Take my heart and form it
Take my mind, transform it
Take my will, conform it
To Yours, to Yours, Oh Lord
Righteousness, righteousness is what I long for
Righteousness is what I need
Righteousness, righteousness is what you want from me"