Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The best things in life aren't THINGS....

I have a confession...I'm REALLY struggling with the idea of possibly having to get rid of my car. This is one of those 1st world problems that I feel dumb for even being crushed about. In the 2 short months I've had this car I've fallen even more in love with it. I can't tell you how long I lusted after this Volvo before getting one.

As I sit alone this morning, I'm struggling with some hard truths.

I'm frustrated that I'd have to drive the Mazda again but I should be happy we even have the luxury of
owning a car.

I'm ridiculous for wanting to cry over this whole situation right now.

It isn't easy for me to listen to my husband's wishes without wanting to put up a fight so I can get my way.

I'm letting a car define me and my worth....

How did I get here? How do you go from not caring one second to being ridiculously materialistic the next?
In the middle of my funk I've been having the past couple of days God decided to whisper "I can still use this." As non-significant of a problem as this may be, He still wants to work on the matters of my heart through it. Go ahead and laugh that's fine.

I WANT God to use this opportunity to improve my heart and what it longs for. It's painful to lay down my pride and submit to my husband if worst comes to worst. Day after day I'm telling my faithful husband that I want to be a Godly, supportive wife that he's proud to wear on his arm. I'm trying my hardest to view this as an opportunity to become that woman instead of a loss.

I want to be so lost in God that the things that truly matter are what crush me instead. Sometimes I really don't like life... I hate that it isn't fair, I hate that we live in a culture that teaches us to want more of what we don't need, I hate not feeling "cool" because of stupid little things, and I hate that it feels like high school all over again at times. It's becoming very apparent to me that I get sidetracked easily. Time to steer back into my path..yet again.

"Holiness, holiness is what I long for 
Holiness is what I need 
Holiness, holiness is what You want from me 

Faithfulness, faithfulness is what I long for 
Faithfulness is what I need 
Faithfulness, faithfulness is what You want from me 

(So) Take my heart and form it 
Take my mind, transform it 
Take my will, conform it 
To Yours, to Yours, Oh Lord 

Righteousness, righteousness is what I long for 
Righteousness is what I need 
Righteousness, righteousness is what you want from me" 

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