Monday, January 9, 2012

3 and counting...

I don't even really know where to begin this post...but I can tell you what it's about.
The subject of marriage is always weighing on my heart...and Idk if that's
because I feel a calling to actually help other people through tough times in their marriage...
or if I'm supposed to be on the prayer end of things. Either way I hate divorce
and wish all people did as much as I do. I'm not saying that I think some people LIKE it,
but it seems that way when they hardly even try to stop it Or say things like"it's beyond
fixing"...you are putting limits on God's power when you give into those lies.

My parents celebrated their 24th wedding anniversary quite recently.
The card that I picked out for them said many things in which I agreed, but one thing
in particular that stood out was "The value of a marriage is not
measured in years, but in the lives that you've impacted as a couple, and the distance
in which you've come since day one." I happen to be one of those optimistic
people who believe every anniversary is something to celebrate and make a deal out of!
You get one day per year to celebrate your spiritual growth that has in return
added depth and growth to your marriage..WHY NOT BE PROUD OF IT?!

March 14 2012 will mark the 3rd year of Stephen and I choosing to become one.
Some people still consider us "newly weds or youngins" which yes pisses me off
NOT because I'm ignorant and think I know it all.
But because he and I have already been through more rough patches and transformation
than most couples see in the first 30 years. I don't like it when people put labels on you or your marriage that
make you seem insignificant because of a number.I feel like we've been married for 60 years
at times =]  My ridiculous attraction to him grows stronger all of the time and not
because of his looks.

I laugh at the two utterly stupid and STUBBORN young teenagers we were
when life smacked us in the face with some heavy decisions. I wouldn't be surprised
if people took bets on how long we'd last. Two couples who tried to help us the most
were James and Amanda Berteig(from the very start of things), and Jack and Shelly Shumate(from
our turning point on.) I will apologize over and over from the bottom of my heart
for thinking we knew what we were doing and disregarding your advice because
it wasn't what we wanted to hear. I'm REALLY sorry for the pain in the butt that I was.

My husband is my best friend which at first I thought meant I didn't have a life
but soon realized that it's a good thing and not something to be ashamed of. Our pivoting point
really started to happen when we went through the Love And Respect material with
some other couples of our church. Just listening and discussing the material itself is not
what changed our marriage, it was applying everything we learned and taking the initiative
to take those steps forward.

If you have a desire for your marriage to succeed, God will deliver.
If you think your marriage can't be fixed, you're doubting God.
If you think your spouse is the only/biggest reason your marriage is going down
the drain, you need to realize it takes TWO.
If you're seeking counsel from someone who's marriage is not where
you want yours to be, strongly acknowledge that.

The second that you start to look at your spouse through
Christ's eyes you will view them in a different light which will alter the way
you normally treat them and respond to them. When you learn how to love your
spouse unconditionally as Christ loves us you will unlock new doors
that lead to growth and compassion.

Marriage is HARD and not meant to be endured on your own strength. 
It is a TEAM sport and not for lazy people who enter into the course because
of a fleeting feeling. Just loving someone will not get you through the toughest times, it takes
more.

I hope anyone who reads this leaves encouraged and not judged, for that was not my heart.
If you make divorce an option, it will always be there tempting you. If you
don't make it an option, you will do whatever it takes to see things through.


This song was mine and Stephen's promise to each other as we lit our unity candle
nearly 3 years ago...and I still mean EVERY word of it. I love you =]



1 comment:

  1. ROCK ON, Danelle! I'm SOO glad we did Love & Respect, too... in so many ways. It was God's perfect timing as we walked through the final stages of the hardest season I hope our lives will ever go through.
    I agree with ALL you said about marriage, and I also often feel like we've been through way more in 5 years than people initially think. I know marriage is hard all the way through, but I often wonder if it's the hardest at the beginning. Josh&I are on your team, if you ever need anything! Happy almost anniversary!!

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